Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
