i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
