She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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