Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she told me i tasted like america
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
