he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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