I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
