I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i've created a new STD.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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