I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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