ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize