The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
