Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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