I wish my penis had an off switch
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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