can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
love makes seman taste better
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
