I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
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i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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