no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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