We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
