I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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