i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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