what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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