my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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