I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
