Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
