well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
