Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
