im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
