1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
