Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
