Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
