i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
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she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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