she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
