You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
