I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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