just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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