I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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