why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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