wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
