Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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