so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
