Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
