You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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