Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My dick has a subreddit
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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