Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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