i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i drank out of a bidet.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
