I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
