Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
