Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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