I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We had to coat check the pizza.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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