my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
