I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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