After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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