if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dear god my vagina.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
