tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.