We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dicks are not precious.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
