"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
