Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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