this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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