Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
