i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
