could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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