these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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