i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
