I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
