yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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