I love black thongs
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
