I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
do nipples grow back?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
