I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
