Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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