What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
