for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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