thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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