And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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