Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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