is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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