Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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