you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
