i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
