Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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