Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
